Things are looking up

Let me tell you that God... He works in mysterious ways.

He has forced me experience loss for the first time and yet brings me joy and sense of accomplishment in my new job.

He brings me pride in my family and my husband.

He gives me the opportunity to beam with excitement every time I get to talk to Kyle (which is almost never).

God lets me feel loved by surrounding me with my family and having my love for Kyle grow stronger as each day goes by.

God, still, has me feel alone and empty at times as Kyle is away.

But I have to say, He has let me laugh again. And it feels good! It really does cure the soul!

Get inspired!

This has been a better week. I have started to put in hours (volunteered) to my new job. Everyone is so nice and encouraging! It is awesome how this job is something I have been so anxious to find. It will be hard work, but I really think I will enjoy it. :)

These are a compilation of quotes that make me happy:

This may not be my town,

It'll do for now,

Til I can figure out,

Who I am,

Where I'm going,

Shes slinging eggs and bacon,

With a college education

Just hanging out and waiting,

For a better plan,

Shes ok not knowing,

Shes young,

And the worlds wide open.

-Jason Aldean

She packs. She moves. She follows.

Why? What 
for? How come?

You may think she's lost her mind.

But actually, she's 
lost her heart;

It was stolen from her by a man.

A man who puts duty 
first,

Who longs to deploy,

Who salutes the flag,

And whose boots in the 
doorway

Remind her that as long as he is her

Military Husband,

She
 will remain his Military Wife.

Since God created the Marine Corps wife,

there has been nothing to compare,

With love and strength and joy combined,

her dedication is always there.

She stands by him each day she can,

says goodbye each time she must,

Her pride and love compare to none in her Marine,

she fully trusts.

I believe in you-

In the things that are important to you

And in the way you choose to live your life…

I believe that you can accomplish anything you set out to do,

That you have many talents

And the wisdom to use them well…

I believe that you have what it takes to overcome obstacles

And to grow from every experience life brings your way…

I believe in your courage,

Your compassion,

Your integrity,

And your strength.

I believe in your goodness…

I believe in you.

-Bobby Burrow-

This too shall pass

(Said to readers by a man in a serious-monotone voice) "The following blog is rated BAD for graphic and personal images painted in your mind. If you read, you are not to judge or ask questions and may never look at the author and think of said images. Also, she is confused on if this is a book or a fake TV show blog. Be advised!"

(Said by Kyle and I in unison...) Previously on "I'll never tell..."

Hey all! It has been a long time since I have written and life keeps happening.

Chapter 1

Kyle and I ventured home for pre-deployment leave. It was so awesome to be home! Seeing everyone and eating suburban food... it could have been longer. Let me tell you! A little stress but that comes with my family and passes just as fast as it comes. Thanks family for making it fun! I would say my favorite parts were:

- The BBQ (Thanks Mom and Margaret for a great time)

- Family photos

- Seeing all family

- Being with my husband in our element; eating chipotle; laughing; and smelling the smells of grass, rain, and home.

Chapter 2

We moved! We now live on-base in a cozy two bedroom/two story town house. My neighbors hate me (long story... ask Kyle) and there is no yard for Diesel. The ups out weigh the bad, though.

- SECURITY

- We have a dryer hook up! Not just a washer hookup- no more hanging clothes

- Close to work

- Close to on- base things like the commissary, home store, exchange...

- I am comfortable walking Diesel here. He can play on the grass by our house or at the dog park.

We definitely made the right decision. Thank you to Kyle and Jake for moving all our stuff despite how unprepared we were for the move. :)

Chapter 3

We got a new washer. Just as we moved in, we found the old washer wasn't working. After the housing maintenance people came, they told us it was our washer that wasn't sending signals to let the cold water in and there was a dial glitch that made it stop in the middle of a cycle. So, on 29 palms yard sales dot com we found a 4-month-old-barely-used washer for cheap! Kyle and a few buddies picked it up and hooked it up right before they left.

Chapter 4

Kyle left for his deployment. I took cool pictures and I did awesome until the last hug goodbye. Then I almost fell apart for about 2 minutes. I dried my tears and waited for the buses to drive off. Man, I absolutely should have mentally prepared a bit more. It kinda hit me hard.

It may be sad and dramatic but the best line from Michael Buble's Home fits my moment: "It's like I just stepped outside, when everything is going right. And I know just why you could not come along with me, but this was not your dream but you've always believed in me..."

It's OK. Marine wives are strong women. We believe in our men and we will wait for them to come home. Until then, we hang up their boots and keep busy. Hence my new found goals and determination to accomplish:

- Run with the puppy 6 days a week

- Ride the bike 7 days a week for MIN. of 30 minutes.

- Eat right. No more candy, ice cream, fast food, and less soda

- Plan a honeymoon for when Kyle comes back.

- Master some songs on the guitar. I almost have Colbie Callait's Bubbly down. I struggle on the bridge.

- Find a new job that makes me happy. I have a few applications in so lets hope for the best.

About my job... if these jobs don't come through, pray The Man and his sidekick brat don't drive me into depression and insanity!! I mean it, I am pretty close. Mike Posner's Cooler Than Me is in cue behind a curtain of F you confetti, balloons with F you written on them and a massive banner saying F you. I sit at my desk clenching to the rope that will lift the curtain/hit play/and send confetti and balloons everywhere displaying the banner as if they just won "America's Funniest Home Videos" (Sigh) They actually might because I will have Richelle standing there with a video camera... I will think it is funny. :)

Chapter 5

Our fridge broke and it took housing FOUR days to get us a new one. But we got a brand new one- minor glitch, it has one missing a shelf! (Audience laughs). All our freezer items went bad, milk was chunky and I had to throw out so much we almost had nothing... I was lucky to save the food mom and dad bought while here.

(Same man in serious monotone says) "Reader discretion is advised"

Chapter 6

The worst thing of all to blog about-

Kyle and I have been praying since... oh... January to get pregnant. (Sorry Mom). We wanted some kind of bundle of joy so bad and we thought that getting pregnant June/July would be perfect timing. Kyle can come home in time to feel the baby kick and see it become our third musketeer!!

Well during the three days we had to pack up the house, I suddenly feel pain that makes me immobile in my abdomen. I crawl into the bedroom and wake Kyle from his slumber... we go to the ER to be told I am pregnant and I am fine. Fear, joy and excitement overwhelm us. We are absolutely pleased. God answered our prayers!

Then, a week later I kiss my husband goodbye at about 12:00 am and head to the ER to ease our worries about abnormal bleeding. I was supposedly fine but they will watch me close. I am red stamped "Threatened Abortion!" Who calls it that #1! #2, I don't like that. I am all for pro choice but not for my body and not for this baby! We don't do abortions nor do we red stamp it on any records!

Two days later, I make another trip to the ER for more paralyzing pain (THANK GOD FOR KATRINA AND AMY'S HELP) and I am sent home with kidney stones, morning sickness and ligament stretching. "A little rest and you will be OK... just let it pass," says the Doc.

For days I carry a nasty strainer to the bathroom and hope something makes a plop into it sounding like a marble into a jar. Nothing ever plopped!

My mom and dad thankfully and graciously come to the heated sandbox to be with me. Without them, I would have just lost it and fallen apart and just cried! Let me tell you! We all walked around like pins and needles going to appointments and endless blood draws (I still have bruises!) all for a final ER trip. All of this to find Kyle and I prayed for a miracle and it only lasted 2 months...

- I take each minute as it comes. I cry at "Could I pregnant?" commercials

- Change the channel at MTV's Teen Mom because ungrateful little teenage bitches with babies now make me sick

- I turn down offers to hang out with a couple of girls because one is pregnant with her second and the other just had a baby

- I am breaking out worse than in high school (no exaggeration)

I am a fragile emotional ghostly of a person. I wander the house hoping it will all be a dream... Each minute is a roller coaster of being OK to not. I fight hard to make the "not" moments get shorter. I really think that I will be alright- just don't ask if I am or else I will just fall apart for that moment, OK?

Chapter 7

The last few days have been productive. I have gotten the oil changed in the truck; picked up Diesel's immunization records to register him on base; vacuumed/dusted/swept/cleaned toilets and such in the house; washed clothes and sheets and went grocery shopping to replenish the cabinets and fridge. Diesel has gotten regular walks again. I have sent off mail to Kyle and watched a ton of movies as my body is confused on when to sleep and when it is day time.

This too shall pass... I promise myself. I promise Kyle.

(And the scene fades away playing the chorus to Eminem's Not Afraid because it is sorta inspiring followed by Enrique Iglesias' I Like It because I like it.)

counting down the days!

Kyle and I are so very excited to come home!!! In three weeks we will be basking in the presence of family and friends on leave. Kyle has plans to:
1. Drink
2. Sleep
3. Not shave
4. Not cut his hair
5. And drink

I plan on:
1. Sleeping
2. Getting mani/pedi/hair cut
3. Sleeping
4. Laughing with family and friends
5. not working

We have talked about budgeting for the trip, getting books on CD for the road trip, stopping at different land marks, laughing, and excited to be away from the plain dessert and go to grass and mountains!

Everyday I tell myself only so many more weekdays! Today it was "two more days this week + four days next week + and one full work week... unless Kyle gets lasik, one less day because I would take a day off to take him.

Mom, I can't wait to see you, lets go shop & get a mani/pedi! Dad... lets do lunch! Jayne... Drinks at the Stampede or something for your birthday! Margaret... I always love sitting on the porch. Scott... um... horseshoes???? Kim/Ty... lets go shooting!

Hope to see a lot of friendly faces.

Rachel... I wanna meet this POG (pronounced pouge) Bahahha.

cracking knuckles

Good day. Pretty good weekend. I got a tan/burn from sitting and soaking up the sun and playing with the puppy.

Things are good here. Weather is nice and hot :) I am getting excited to go home for leave. I miss my family. I hope June comes and stays for a long time and then it suddenly would be January. Then Kyle doesn't have to go anywhere. <3

So today after work I wanted to take Diesel somewhere he could run and play. The park was over crowded by people and baseball games so we parked and walked on base until we found a good size area with grass. Diesel rolled, ran and rolled again. He layed on his back and loved it! It was great to watch him be happy and play. It makes me more excited to go home. There is lots of grass for him to play on.

Anyways, he saw a jogger. Mind you the entire car ride this dog followed every person, car, animal, etc from the front seat to back seat as we passed them. This was cute too... but he saw a jogger and I had to stop him from running after the jogger, so I dive (diving into a pool, sliding into home kind of dive) for his leash. In the mean time, one arm must not have gotten the brain signal to go outward and I heard a crunch. A slight series of pops, if you will, (like knuckle cracking) happens immediately. I cringe and the jogger sees us.

Visualize a man minding his own business and looks over to see a chick and her dog on the grass. The dog looks happy and anxious and is slightly losing oxygen because his leash is pulled tight and the chick has a constipated/painful/sad/frustrated look on her face.
BAHAHAH.

We went straight home. I have been icing since and the knuckles are pretty bruised. I hope we aren't broken, here.

Like I told my mom... With my track record, I am due for an injury. God must be looking down and saying, "I forgot about you. You are due, madam, for an broken bone. Here are two... " haha. I pray not!

It is hard to say if they are broken. Here is why:
#1. haven't broken a bone in awhile, can't remember the pain
#2. the swelling is minimal
#3. i can sorta bend them but mobility decreases as time goes on
#4. i didn't cry
#5. it would be my luck that as health care is free, i wouldn't need to utilize it much.
#6. my senior year in high school, I broke the metacarpals in that hand to those exact fingers but this time it is phalanges injury.. not in the palm.

We will see.

It has been too long!

I am sorry I have been away. Busy life has made for no time to even remember to write. Since we have "talked," my life has been filled. Kyle was at training, came home, had the Brown's visit, back to training, working, playing with the puppy, walking the puppy, cooking, cleaning, etc. etc. etc.

I would ask if anyone is even listening but I have heard from so many people whether or not I am going to write again. It makes me feel good to know I entertain people... even if it is from sheer boredom that they wander to my page, still, in fact, I bring some entertainment.

The latest realizations in life:

#1. My job really isn't so bad. I think I am most frustrated with the scheduling. I get along with people, I get work done (if I remember to keep it one thing at a time), and my boss isn't so hateful. It is all in prioritizing, organizing, and a good mind set. Work is OK.

#2. I really really love my husband. He is good to me. He is always concerned about me when I am frustrated, he buys me nice things, rubs my feet, supports me, cleans and cooks for me... ahh! Good man.

#3. Our dog Diesel has personality. First, he has a "pit face" and a "lab face." The lab face is the face he wears when he is happy and wants to play. He wants to love on you/you love on him and snuggle. His pit face is his fake intimidation, pout-feel-sorry-for-me face.
He sighs, he pounces, runs, and is getting more vocal. He paws at you, he steals your spot on the bed or couch when you move a millimeter and he is ever so patient and gentle. He is just such a good dog. We have a great family! :)

#4. I am selfish. I am almost mad when Kyle goes away. I feel so selfish when I am lonely and pissed off. It's not Kyle's fault and it is something I need to work on.

#5. I am counting the days until June 19th. We are coming home!!! :)

I will write more. I promise.

Later Gator.

Chirping in the kitchen

Today after a busy day of work I was making a smoothie. It had yummy strawberries and green melon (what's it called?) and ice cream and milk. :) when I went to grab the milk, the refridgerator door pushed a bird out of the way! A real life bird! I called my friend Tiffani and she was able to come... but didn't know when so I tried to get it out myself. By the time I got the courage to try, my friends Joe and Richelle and their roommate Miles came over.

Crazy ass Joe cut the bird. I say it was by accident to feel better. Then buried it. Which was very civil.... Then when I asked Miles to move the nest away from the door, he only put it on the ground. So when I went to go to put the nest in the trash so the dog wouldn't eat it, baby birds fell out!!!

They were so helpless and died too!

Now I feast upon my delicious smoothie with the puppy chewing on his bone. Welp, off to wind down for the day.