Inspiration

This week I am at 30 weeks. Third trimester. So far so good. But every little ache and pain worries me.

There are too many things that are scary about life. For me, it is having a baby, getting sick, failing school, letting the people I love down... The list can go on forever. Right now, my biggest fear is losing the baby and doing something that can harm it. I am slowly becoming a hypochondirac. I have a cold so does that mean the baby has one too? Do I have preeclampsia? Am I feeling braxton hicks? Is what I am eating or the meds I take going to give my baby autism....? It is scary. All of it. What if Kyle doesn't make it to the birth for whatever reason? What if I go into labor while I am in Denver? What if something happens during traveling?

I am scared people! I also am scared to tell people my fears because:

1. If I tell Kyle, I become his worry and right now, he needs absolutely zero distractions-- if he fails school again, he will feel like it is the end of the world. I don't know how to deal with that and I don't know how he will come back from that.

2. I feel like so much has been going wrong with all the times I have gotten sick, that people will roll their eyes and think I am a hypochondriac.

3. I don't want people to know I am scared at all, not even me. So I turn a blind eye to the pains I feel and wait for them to go away. But then I have a moment of panic. What if what I am ignoring is a problem and I am letting it get worse.

So here is my solution.

"If you aren't frightened, you aren't paying attention. And if you become frightened, find a way to become inspired."

So that is what I am trying to do. Become inspired. I am trying to become inspired to think positive. The baby, Kyle, and I will make it and everything will be ok. Being worried and scared is part of being a mommy. I am trying to become inspired and I can do it.

Another week...

28 weeks has gone off with a bad boom. I have been in the hospital twice this week for vomiting. The good thing is I got to see where I will deliver, the bad is that I am there for getting sick. Being really sick once again has gotten old... but if I have to do it for this baby, I will. She is strong and can make it through it too.

Reasons (obvious) why getting sick is so bad:

1. It is painful- everywhere.

2. I get scared for the baby.

3. I get really tired but can't sleep.

4. I get behind in school.

5. It worries everyone.

Today I have started to feel well enough to eat something and clean the house a little bit. I vacuumed, swept, did some laundry, cleaned toilets, and picked up dog poo.

The things I have learned about being 28 weeks:

1. My belly still grows a lot and it is even more difficult to get comfy at night.

2. Shaving your left leg with your right hand no longer works out too well.

3. EVERYTHING makes me have to pee.

4. I am always a little sleepy even if I just woke up.

5. If I go a full 40 weeks, I have less than 86 days of this.

I am getting very excited about going to Colorado for these baby showers. They should be fun. I got the invite to the one the Brown's are throwing and it is cute. I am anxious to see what the Barcheski invite looks like. Either way, I am getting excited to see family and get ready for this baby.

School is good for both me and Kyle. We are moving right along and passing our "tests." This is the last week of a class for me and then I immediately begin another.

Diesel is good. Since I have been sick lately he is restless but he will get a walk today once it cools down a bit more.

That's all for now. :)

27 weeks

I haven't kept up the blog in a few weeks. There wasn't much to tell. I got really sick in week 25 and had to see the doctor. After that, Kyle came home from training in Bridgeport. he loved it up there. So much so that he talks about re-enlisting and trying to get a job up there. I want to visit it first, but if he likes it up there I am sure me and the baby will too.

Guess what?!? Tomorrow I turn the big 2-4!!! Nothing happens at 24, but it is the last birthday of not being a mommy. I am going to check out the new exchange, hopefully win a prize, and wait for Kyle to come home.

Diesel has been very emotional lately. He pouts and sulks around the house and then becomes happy and animated after dinner. Quite the personality.

The baby is growing swiftly. Everyday I feel like another inch has been stretched around my belly. She rests in my rib cage and pushes out from the inside. I can't wait to see her and meet her personality. I am also very very excited to go home in a month or so for baby showers. :)

That's all for now.