Inspiration

This week I am at 30 weeks. Third trimester. So far so good. But every little ache and pain worries me.

There are too many things that are scary about life. For me, it is having a baby, getting sick, failing school, letting the people I love down... The list can go on forever. Right now, my biggest fear is losing the baby and doing something that can harm it. I am slowly becoming a hypochondirac. I have a cold so does that mean the baby has one too? Do I have preeclampsia? Am I feeling braxton hicks? Is what I am eating or the meds I take going to give my baby autism....? It is scary. All of it. What if Kyle doesn't make it to the birth for whatever reason? What if I go into labor while I am in Denver? What if something happens during traveling?

I am scared people! I also am scared to tell people my fears because:

1. If I tell Kyle, I become his worry and right now, he needs absolutely zero distractions-- if he fails school again, he will feel like it is the end of the world. I don't know how to deal with that and I don't know how he will come back from that.

2. I feel like so much has been going wrong with all the times I have gotten sick, that people will roll their eyes and think I am a hypochondriac.

3. I don't want people to know I am scared at all, not even me. So I turn a blind eye to the pains I feel and wait for them to go away. But then I have a moment of panic. What if what I am ignoring is a problem and I am letting it get worse.

So here is my solution.

"If you aren't frightened, you aren't paying attention. And if you become frightened, find a way to become inspired."

So that is what I am trying to do. Become inspired. I am trying to become inspired to think positive. The baby, Kyle, and I will make it and everything will be ok. Being worried and scared is part of being a mommy. I am trying to become inspired and I can do it.